metamorphis

i want to write about everything and nothing. the continual self-narration of the mundane and fantastical events of my life creates a sense that i have already written the important. and i have, but the words are in my head and no one can see them but me. then i wonder, does anyone care? are these thoughts worthy of taking up their small space on the web? and then i think about the constant and underlying urgency to get these thoughts out of me and let them land where they may. it comes with the need to clear out the clutter of my headspace which is feeling quite cramped these days. plus, i love the physical manifestation of the fluid flow of my experience sprayed all over a page, the words and letters lining up in a row, tidy and standing at attention.

this weekend has been strange. chris, bless him, handed me two nights to be unchained from the baby constantly chewing on my breast. both times i found myself at one bar or another, throughly enjoying the liquor and the conversation. opportunities to step out of my mold and the expectations that are placed on a married woman with two young children is liberating. like a snake that is shedding it's skin that was too tight and confining, i too am in transformation. i am unsure of where my feet will land once this scratchy old skin is shed, but am taking it one step (or shimmy) at a time, trusting that whatever and wherever i am is just right.

oh, yes....

enough

i really want to feel that i am enough.
that i do enough.
that i give enough.
that i receive enough.
that i inspire enough.
that i giggle enough.
that i listen enough.
that i act on it enough.
that i create enough.
that i dream enough.
that i travel enough.
that i am tolerant enough.
that i relax enough.
that i see enough.
that i give thanks enough.
that i color outside of the lines enough.
that i remember enough.
that i read enough.
that i hug enough.
that i kiss enough.
that i am joyous enough.
that i learn enough.
that i share enough.
that i find beauty enough.
that i enjoy enough.
that i love enough.

working the camera

the following pictures you are about to see were all taken by the little man, self portraits included. you gotta give him some major credit, the kid has some skills with the camera. the last one is my favorite. i can't stop saying, wow! that's super cool!

dedicated to the beautiful lady in the corner

not wanting to draw much attention to herself she stands in the corner alone, away from the rest.
but once you notice her, you'll never want to look away.
she wears the season's beauty draped from head to foot, pale pinks and greens.
dipping and bowing to every rush of spring wind. the petals making up her most elaborate dress are all a flutter.
wearing the fragrant aroma of awakening, you drink it in. gulping it down until you are dizzy.
instantly she transforms the ordinary into the extraordinary. you are in the presence of royalty.
waking up the world around her, reminding them to shake off their winter coats and join her.
she is dressed to the nines celebrating the warmer days to come.
the dance of the season has begun.

fragments of time away

the haziness of a long weekend traveling and visiting is slowly starting to lift as i settle back in to the mechanics of my usual life. there is also a heaviness of my heart which has me puzzled, and a heaviness of my eyelids which seem drowsier than when the weekend began. a combination of hours upon hours of driving, unfamiliar beds, children throwing up in the middle of the night, and walking a 10k all have left me fighting the urge to curl up in a ball and sleep away the afternoon.

some pieces of the weekend:

-i haven't picked up a book for ages. on a whim as i was headed out the door i picked up the memory keeper's daughter from my bookshelf. it has been a good companion for the stretches of highway linking our house to our destination. i ran across a passage that i felt moved to share,
"...she had been a fiancee, a young wife, and a mother, and she had discovered that these words were far too small to contain the experience."
i read this over and over again, struck with the simplicity of the statement that touches on the thoughts that are wrapped so tightly around my own heart. i also thought it appropriate for a weekend that celebrates the experience of mothers. happy mother's day.

-because we are so tight on money and worried how we would ever get our huge suv over 600 miles on $150, we took the friendly advice of our parents and drove s-l-o-w-l-y. it so worked. we got there on a half a tank of gas and averaged 28-30 mpg in a car that we are usually lucky to get 18. i grinned widely when chris declared "this is my new thing. i'm gonna drive slow everywhere now. why isn't everyone doing this?" why aren't they indeed! i was initially worried about driving 10-15 miles slower than usual with a car full of kids and the repercussions of making a long trip even longer. but, i will tell you it was by far the most enjoyable drive in our history of driving. there is something to be said for taking the slow road, meandering through small towns and enjoying the snapshots of a life lived a little slower. plus, we got there in about the same time it would have taken us driving like speed demons.

-cooking and scheming with my mother in law. there is no one i like sharing the kitchen with more. i just love to talk food with her, make food with her, and eat food with her. and i love her even when there is no food at all. i'm still thinking about our lemon cupcakes topped with lemon buttercream, lemon curd, and blueberry compote. mmmm mmmm.

-catching up with old friends. more to come on one amazing friend in particular........

-waking up early to go walk the mother's day 10k for the fourth year in a row. this year i noticed how yoga has really been changing my strength and endurance. i felt lighter and could breathe deeply for almost the entire time. i loved seeing my kids waiting for me at the finish line and my immediate reaction to start sprinting so i could show off my super mommy skills.

-learning to use my new sewing machine (thanks mom!) and learning some new knitting stitches.

-finally making it home and being enthusiastically greeted by our pups.


i breathe a sigh of relief and think that there really is no place quite like home.

headed south

we are leaving for the magical landscapes of red rocks and sand. we haven't been back for a year and are eager to see old friends, familiar landmarks, and the jackrabbits at sunset. wish us luck that we don't entirely break the bank filling up our car with gas.....
have a fantastic weekend and a very happy mother's day!
xoxo

sunshine

she's my spunky little girl.

a bag of lollipops eaten through in an afternoon. always wanting the pink ones!!

crawling around the deck with silver sparkle shoes on her feet and brother's boots on her hands as she meows loudly enough for neighbors to wonder.

running into daddy's store yelling "yay! daddy's werk" at the top of her lungs and then preceding to tear into 13 boxes of cherryheads. every third sugary red ball making it's way out of the box, through her chubby fingers, and onto the floor. it rolls on to find a new home under a rack of budget dvd's.

insisting beyond reason to wear 1 inch high flip flops on a hike with the dogs. she would never dream of copping out and just letting someone carry her. she wants the freedom and the wind through her curls, even if that means taking a spill every 30 seconds, her lip lops go flying.

scaling the kitchen cabinets without any effort to get a better look at the sea monkeys or to play with the dirty dishes in the sink.

thinking that when mom chases her bare bottom down the street, well, that's just about the funniest trick a gal can pull. she giggles wildly.

chasing a cat around an alley way downtown and when the smart cat flees the grip of this toddler she dramatically sits on a nearby stair with her hands drawn to her chin and pouts. "kitty run away. but, mama, i wuvvv him."

every moment a delight.
every second an opportunity worth exploring.
every beat of my heart that is melting for my spunky little girl.

it's my party....

we had a very late night after our birthday fiesta yesterday. it turned out wonderfully. the food was, well, yummy. and we had a lot of it. the friends, well, yummy. and a lot of them, too. i think one couldn't find a better combination in the world than good friends and good food. the best.

i have to say that it was a little hard seeing the pinata that i had lovingly pieced together the past few days get beat into bits, i developed a bit of an attachment to it. but, the kids had a blast. it was worth it to hear the squeals of delight. isn't it cute? she was our chubby, super chick.

so, thank you friends for helping to make my birthday such a very happy one.

party preparations

we're busy getting ready for our big fiesta sunday.
this includes the making of our pinata. paper mache is so up my alley.
messy, sporadic, gooey, fun.
hope you have a beautiful friday.